The About Me Challenge - Day 4

Something I need to forgive someone for..

I need to forgive my best friend for letting me go, I guess. That's about it. I'm generally a " Forgive but never forget." kind of person.

Day Four - The Writing Challenge

Prompt: Crumbs of love locked inside a gilded cage.

Note: Okay, so when I first read the title, i found it a little depressing.. so I decided to make it a kind of a suicide note with first person thoughts...especially guilt. I deliberately made it a little haphazard, cause when people are on the verge of ending their lives, they don't think coherently.. in order.
Also, it kind of starts with a sad note, goes all angry and accusing, then shifts to self pity, and then, goes back to sad and then, to the End.
I think that's how it feels like. I've tried imagining it in order, but it doesn't make sense.
P.S. Any resemblance to any person is unintentional. 

----    ----    ----    ----    ----

Sometimes, I feel like you want to get rid of me...see? You just don't show me.. you don't tell me everything that you once used to. It makes me feel so insecure, seeing you with her.
It IS her, isn't it? No matter how many ever times you deny, I know.. I just do. You tell me its your new job, the new city, the new everything that we need to adjust to, but really... I know better... Or do I?
I've seen you with her. I've seen it in your eyes..
I've noticed the way you now behave around me. Don't tell me I'm oversensitive and the likes of it.. cause honestly, I know exactly how perceptive I am. I notice everything. I usually just prefer to keep it to myself. In fact, seeing her just thrice, with you put things in brilliant perspective for me, thank you very much.
I'm just waiting for you to realize what you've gone and done... to realize that everything is over. 
Despite it all, I love you.

It's not just you, you know. I had found my happiness too. Yes. Away from you. You weren't what I wanted. You changed. Happiness away that's away. Far, far away from you.
He talks to me. He makes me feel so good...
I love you, but he's better for me. I don't like what I become around you... some kind of mad creature, trying to rein in her feelings. I do not love myself when I'm near you.
I love you, but it won't make me stay. I've had enough of you. And now that I've found what I want, to a degree, it's over.
----------

She had waved him out of their little condo, a mere half hour ago. She now sat on the edge of the thirty six floored building, thinking of ways to end everything.

A little less than half of that hour ago, everything was alright.. well, almost...
She was prepared to let go of the old him and move out, and into his place. He had called. He said he didn't want her anymore. He sent her plans... her make-believe world crashing down.

----------

I'm now standing at the edge. One step to end it all. End everything.
I'll be gone. Forever.
The easiest way to stop feeling... I'll finally be gone, just like you said last night. I know you didn't mean it, but it hurt. I listened to it all. Your rants and your I love yous. I can't return now. I'm beyond repair. I feel too guilty to come back to you.
You kept me well...Very well. You kept a bird locked in that beautiful, gilded cage. It was beautiful while it lasted. It is after all, the rule of nature to make us all seek greener pastures...
In my defense, I'm but human.

It isn't forgivable, and I'm not asking for any. It was my fault. Everything was. I know... This is why, I want to go away, where no one can ever find me again. I don't have to make decisions, don't have to think, not feel... not feel guilty, not feel anything... and don't have to go anywhere... just one step. Its all just a mere step away from me. All this is what I want.. What I need. It is something I can live with.
One step, and down I go..
One step, and I end. I cease to exist..
One step, and I'm sorry..

"Thank you, Thank you.. for Everything..."  She muttered to herself, hurtling down the glassy windows.

Author's note: (Just because I can..and making it another post is just too mainstream. :D )

The title. Crumbs of love locked in a gilded cage. So, what exactly makes me sad about it?Well, I think that, if you really love someone, you'll set them free...and if you really do deserve their love, they will love you back, no matter how far away you are, from each other.
I know that I love my grandfather. One day, we were talking.. (forgive my lack of coherent thought and probably grammar) .. like we did, always.. We went deep into philosophical thoughts and life after death. That was when He made me promise that I'd never cry if someone died. He made me promise not to cry when he died.. A few months later, he did..  
Well, He made me believe that the ones that truly love us, don't really leave. They're always there in our hearts. I like star-gazing. It reminds me of my grandfather. I know he watches down on me, everyday. (Another post on that, soon.)
I know some people.. People who lock up.. choke their loved ones, afraid that they'll "escape" .. Yes, I've actually heard that, right out of someone's mouth. I'd like to ask you one thing, Do you really not believe in yourself that much? Are you not confident enough in your ability to maintain a relationship? Mind you, I'm not talking mushy, meaningless, teenage "love".
Statements like that, actually confuse me and make me want to question their motives.. But being the sensitive a** that I am.. I just can't... So I keep them to myself, and usually include them in little "notes". Why, you ask? Because no one pays attention, then ;)
So, back to the prompt.. Don't lock up people you love. They'll just go away..sooner or later, that is bound to happen. Love them all you can, from a-far, like you would, a butterfly. Believe me, I tried trapping a butterfly once ( in grade 2) and it died. That made me feel so bad.. And that kind of stayed with me. Trust me, it applies to so many things.. you'd probably be too lazy to introspect, anyway.

The conclusion? I just have too much time to while away..  

- Sharma ( who needs to control her emotions, sincerely, a true Cancerian.)

The About Me Challenge - Day 3

Something you'll have to forgive yourself for.

I'll have to forgive myself for giving up on my best friend.
I'll have to forgive myself for not getting into a National Law School.
I'll have to forgive myself for crying on that day.
I'll have to forgive myself for closing my eyes that other day.

Day Three - The Writing Challenge

Note: Meh.. I'm just too lazy to actually type out everything I write. Yes, I write them all. 

Prompt: Close fast, the iron door and turn out the lights.

Hot, damp air howled in her ears as she ran down the stone steps, her white gown flying behind her. She looked pale, the chiffon leaving behind a trail of perfume. The dragon at the base of the staircase, she could get past, if asleep; but if he found out that she was escaping once again, he'd lock her up - and no amount of pleading this time, she knew, could make him change her mind. If she failed to escape this time - five plus one attempts - she decided that she'd just learn to enjoy her time in the minaret she was kept in.It was not like it wasn't beautiful. Everything there was perfect - except for that man, of course..though he kept her well..Her footsteps echoed down the empty stairs as she ran, hoping that he hadn't noticed her absence yet. He was deep into writing something on a scroll of parchment, sitting at his desk, three large buildings away from her. Searing hot air now rose up the middle of the winding staircase. Suddenly, a loud growl shook the minaret. The dragon was awake. Slipping past a sleeping dragon was one thing and running past an awake, hungry, irritable one was another. She felt her earlier bravery slipping away from her with every step she went down. The pungent dragon's breath wasn't helping either. She slipped, missed a step and tumbled down the stairs. Clawing at the edge of a step, she steadied herself, made sure she wouldn't tumble down and shakily, stood up again. She paused, thinking about all the other times she had tried to get out of this tower, back to the library she owned... She missed it terribly. This man had the largest library in the world, dedicated to her, right beside her minaret, but she wanted her own one back. She took a shuddering breath, crumpled down on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest and started sobbing uncontrollably. She had lost, once again. With every passing second, she felt her will draining away, overcome with a feeling so strong - she wanted nothing more than to run back to her stone room and collapse on the bed once again. She knew she failed.After some time, she heard soft footfalls approaching her down the stairs. She could tell, he was here. It was weird, how he always knew where she was.. In fact, it was wonderful, she thought. At last.. She could go up to her room back again. He'd help her up..He came to her and held out his hand for her to take, but realizing that she was too weak, he bent down and scooped her up in his arms and started up the stairs. No dialogue passed between them. He'd usually shout.. or at least tell her off for trying to escape. But this time, he hadn't said a word. Maybe it had something to do with her tears. She never cried.He looked pale and pained - not his usual self. He carried her up to her room and laid her gently down on her bed and went back and leaned again the door frame, watching her."Dragon breath does that. A few more minutes.. and you'd have lost all your will." He shuddered.He walked to the candles, looked at her through the mirror, blew out all the lights, walked back and slammed the iron door shut on her, without a look back at her.

The About Me Challenge - Day 2

A movie that I want to see :
I have a long list..  But the first would surely be Star Wars. Yeah, I know I'm not fit to live on this planet. I haven't watched it. Then.. I'll watch this really long list of not-so-new ones.

Day Two - The Writing Challenge

Note: I know, its long overdue.. but then, what the hell? Its my blog.

Prompt: A dwindling world beneath your weary feet.

"I shouldn't have listened to him..."

She ran towards the elevator and punched the call button frantically, at least a hundred times, looking over her shoulder every second.
The automatic doors of the large building slid open and a group of men in black suits walked in, feigning calm. They were much better at it than she was. Scanning the building lobby, one of them pointed at her and whispered something in another's ear and then, the whole group had started sprinting towards her.
"No!", She thought. "I can't let them catch me..not now.. The espionage would be so wasted. The life I wanted.. No.."
The men's footsteps echoed in the empty hall, coming closer and closer. She almost froze with fear, but thoughts of her future compelled her to act. She prayed for the elevator the come down and open up right now.
As they neared her, the welcome ping of the elevator sounded, and she quickly scrambled into it, punching the button for the nineteenth floor. "He said he'd meet me there..."
She sunk down onto the thick glass floor of the elevator, heaving a sigh. She felt ten years older, all of a sudden. As she looked down at the transparent floor, she saw the cars and people on the street shrinking. The world was dwindling beneath her weary feet. She felt powerful, as the elevator rose higher up. She'd reach the nineteenth floor and then, everything would be set right, once again...and this time, she'd have money as well! She'd be rich. Very rich. Just this one little job...She'd be able to just while away her time... just deliver that one little file...
Another ping announced  the nineteenth floor. As she stood up to get out of the elevator, the doors opened, the men stepped in, pinned her against the elevator walls and snatched the file from her. One of them punched the button to the lobby and they began descending, again.

The About Me Challenge - Day 1

My favorite quote:
It would definitely be " You aren't responsible for what people think about you, but you are responsible for what you give others to think about you."

I'd say, it doesn't matter , what peole say about you, behind your back. It is left behind, anyway. It's not like it's going to matter, even if people believe that shit...

Something you love about yourself :
It is pretty hard to find something that I love about myself...I'll try, though.
So, I guess... It'd be my ability to stay calm through everything.

The Lion

My Lion's tail, is always straight.

On some days, or nights, when you are compelled by your dreams of the future, to revisit your past, you can't help but think of all those things that you ever held dear to your heart.
I had a lion once, a lion cub, that belonged to me, and only me.

I also had a cat, that is still hidden somewhere between the folds of plastic, in my room. (more on her, later)

This little cub was named Simba, yes, taking after the mighty lion king.
One day in a supermarket, I had my way with my dad, and picked him up from the shelf. I can't imagine what a life he would've had if not for me.. Maybe better..?
I brought Simba home in my arms and laid him on my bed, and slept with him, every night; that is, till eighth grade. After that, of course, i had packed him up well and hidden him away in a shelf.

Sometimes things of the past, have their weird way of triggering some memories.
Years after Simba had been locked away, He made his way out last night. Again, to sleep in my bed one more time.
My Lion's tail, is always straight.


P.S. You might ask me, " So what if your lion's tail is straight?"  
But that's a whole different story, so..

Day One - The Writing Challenge

Prompt: Don't hope that it was just a dream.

Warm sunlight shone on small parts of my face through the foliage of the tree. I lean against the rough bark and rest my head against it, scraping my elbow, taking in the scent of the flowers, the grass and the clean, fresh air. 
I had been reading my favorite book for the last four hours. Last night, I had fought with him again. Even the fights were getting routine, now. That was when I decided that I wanted to spend some time alone. This place was where I used to sit, as a kid. The tree I am now sitting under, was the one I had planted. It was the only one that grew, out of the six I had planted. It is beautiful, yet painful, how time flies by...
This little haven of mine smelled as beautiful as it looked. It filled me with pride and happiness. It evoked fond memories of little dolls that I made, the hundreds of books that I read, the times I just sat and thought through things, all whilst sitting under this very tree. And now, I was back, book in hand.
White and pink daisies and blood red roses, some white flowers with a strong perfume and velvety grass. This lone tree stood in between this garden of sorts. Butterflies flitted from flower to flower and the gentle breeze ruffled the leaves of the tree, whispering secrets of the world. I close my eyes and take in the warmth, reveling in this peace. It is hard to come by, these days, with my marriage and the job hunting and all the meaningless quarrels.


The hot sunlight was burning my back. Quickly, I sat up, my eyes still closed, wishing for a little more time before returning to my chores. I could hear the butterflies flying around. Wait, did I just HEAR them flying? And the smell of mud and leaves wafted into my nose. That was intense.

I opened my eyes only to find that my vision was tinged with blue. What had gone wrong with the world?! Four hours into a book, and I haven't noticed something happening?  I was alarmed and I tried to get up but somehow, I ended up on all fours. I was a little confused. Okay, a lot confused. So then, I decided that I'd just go home and look into the mirror to see if something had happened to my contacts. I stood and stretched. I felt my muscles bunching, and a weird sound of hard material scraping against another. When I glanced at myself, I had sprouted scales. What is going on!? Would I have wings as well, then? Scales and wings go together, somehow...
I 'willed' my wings to open, and shockingly, yes, I did have wings. Light green, leathery wings, ribbed with bone.
What was that book I was reading anyway? I flapped my wings experimentally, causing a great gust of wind to flatten the grass around me. Oh wow. I could fly if I wanted to! That was a nice thing...I think. In any case, I still had to get home.

I took off from the ground carefully. See, I still hadn't figured out what I had become. And I was something with wings. Powerful wings.. and scales..and I have no clue as to how flying with wings is.
I fluttered my wings and rose a few inches into the air immediately, landing back on the grass with a thud, when I stopped. This would need some getting-used-to.
Slowly, though, I did manage to soar into the clear blue sky. It was beautiful, being able to see the world from up above here. It was no wonder, man wanted to fly so bad. Poor Icarus and his wings! I was a million times better than him! I didn't melt my wings away - yet.
I analyzed my emotions and my thoughts. I was never a proud person, and still, after i got these scales and wings, I... There's something terribly wrong. Something has changed. Since when did people start sprouting wings and scales after a short nap, huh?

As I flew across the sky, over a forest, Wait, forest? Where'd that come from? I felt something stabbing me in my belly. It hurt so bad, that I descended quickly. I came back down to the ground and lay on my side, one wing folded against the ground, the other, protectively around my body. That was when I heard people shouting near me.
" FALLEN DRAGON! COME. QUICK!!"
And there were footsteps near me. I was surrounded.
" Great aim. The creature looks hurt.", a man said, with a grin.
" We'd better pull out the arrows. We have to train it... We are short of dragons as it is.", said another.
" I've never seen a dragon give up so easily..."

Three things made their way to my mind, over the fog of pain. One - They called me a dragon. Was that what I was? Two - These people hurt me. With arrows. What IS this place?! And Three - They'll TRAIN me? What FOR?!

There was a faint tugging sensation at my belly, and then searing pain that subsided after a few minutes.
"Shouldn't have used so many arrows, Ka, Young dragon.. I feel bad already..."

If I really was a dragon, that'd mean I could breathe fire, right? That's cool. Hot, actually. I don't want to get trained. I want to fly away. Fly back home! They can't keep me captive like this! 
I heard the men discussing something about how they ought to move me, since they'd wounded me so bad. At least SOMEONE'S feeling guilty. Cool metal rings were fastened to all my limbs. They were a little too big for me, and so it felt really uncomfortable. It was like lifting a great weight every time I moved. The rings had long metal chains, ending in bigger rings. What they were for, I knew not.
Two men from the group turned and walked back into the forest and took out some kind of flute and started playing it. He couldn't play at all! It was the most horrible music ever. But by the looks of it, only I was able to listen to it. The people around me, three tending to my wounds, and five standing guard, were either unable to hear it, or were expertly capable of hiding their disgust. 
The people who were attempting to heal me were chattering away. Evidently, they were as new to this world, as I was, myself. So, in order to know a little more, I listened in. No, I don't usually eavesdrop.

"Yeah, I lived in the city. I went drinking at a pub with my girlfriend last night, and when I next woke up, I was here. It was weird. And now, they're making us hunt dragons!"
"I've heard tales. I've been here two days before you came here, Ka. The elders talk only at the campfire at night! In the mornings, they're more like shriveled up mummies, with dead looks. They were saying, the other day, that dragons were extremely hard to find. They said that, in this  world, people are brought in from the other worlds and turned into different people or animals, depending on what they did before coming here. They mentioned that dragons are the most precious, and if we trained them, they'd be with us. I still don't understand why anyone would want to be near giant, smelly, fire-breathing reptiles. I'm not saying they ain't majestic..or..or..beautiful, in a way...but..." Yayy.. someone thinks that I look good! 

I looked at the guy named Ka. He was about my age, I think... and looked as terrified as I first felt. He looked good. Pity he already had a girlfriend.. Where am I going with these thoughts? I am now a dragon, and I need to get out of here! Right NOW. 
When all the arrows were removed, the pain lessened. But before I could feel too happy about it, a shadow passed overhead, blocking the sun for a few seconds. Two massive dragons landed on either side of me. They were brown, and they looked alike.What? The men said something to them and they grabbed two each of the big metal rings to the chain and started to ascend.
I opened my wings instinctively and found that there was an arrowhead lodged between my shoulder and wing. Painful. They HAVE to remove it...and soon, or I'll eat them up for dinner tonight. I 'flew' with the two other dragons to some place where the ground was bare and there were straw huts. I saw what the other guy had explained to Ka. Old men and no women. A bit weird, you'd think. Oh well...

When I landed, Ka came over to my side. Looks like he's noticed that arrow. Good. I snarled at him and he quivered a little. Satisfying. He attempted to dislodge the arrow in my wing, but he was just not that skilled. Not many were.. So this Ka guy brings a few more people to me and explains to them about the arrow. 
"Ka, if you're that gentle with the dragon, she'll die of the pain of the wound when she flies. It is much better that you pull it out with force and let it heal.. It will hurt for about a minute, but there'll be no permanent damage!" Poor Ka was trying to be gentle...And then, after he had pulled out the arrow, I was made to sit in the middle of the tiny village, facing the old men, till nightfall. Then, some lads lighted up a fire and that was when the old men stirred. They talked among themselves and called out to the hunters who had wounded me. They had stony looks, when they went forward - almost loathing, if I may. After long discussions, they decided that I was too 'young' to cause trouble and so, one man would be able to manage me. They wanted to give the newcomer a chance. And so, just like that, Ka was appointed my caretaker...like I needed one, really... but it does please me that its Ka and not any of those other men.

I was pretty happy. My wounds healed miraculously fast and Ka was good company. He kept rambling on about his life before this...this.. change. It made me homesick. I wanted to tell him to let me go...but I had no voice, except maybe the fire. I could melt rock. Oh yayyy. It is nice to watch, believe me.
I went hunting and I flew in the skies. I had a nice life. I don't remember how long I was there.. maybe a fortnight, or longer. I needed to get back, but I didn't know how.
I fought in tiny battles, and I flew with Ka to the mountains for some days. I liked it here. I don't want to leave anymore. This place was good.. beyond my wildest imaginations! Is is weird for a dragon to fall in love with a human? Well, just wondering.. not that I like Ka..

One afternoon, I was resting with Ka leaning against my folded wing, when I drifted into a slumber. He always held me like one would, a little girl, while we slept. The hot afternoon sun burnt my face as I woke up. 
We were resting, remember? What's with the sun.. always burning me up like this..?!

When I opened my eyes, my vision was too bright and I felt light. I felt a little dizzy as well. It was back to normal again, was it? Was I the dragon, or was I human? Oh goodness. My identity. And... Ka? What about him? He seemed so real. What now? 
What now? What do I mean, "what now?".. like a kid lost in a dream..

Slightly disoriented, I walked back home, taking a shortcut through a tiny forest. I saw a man standing at the end of the forest, looking here and there, searching for something. When I went closer, I recognized him at once. I threw myself at him, delighted, shouting "Ka!!!" 
When I pulled back, he looked puzzled. Like, obviously. It was me who was the dragon. I would have been some random mute beast to him, for all the good it did me...

" Hey. Sorry. You looked like someone I knew.."
" Yeah, no problem at all." 
Awkward pause.. great.
And I went on my way again. 

Distance, My Dear, has got Nothing to do with Proximity

It doesn't really matter, how far you are, from each other, for Time, is the longest distance between two.

30-Day Challenges - The Result of Joblessness.

Being stuck at home, till college starts is tiresome. I mean, the first few weeks are great. You finish reading every book you wanted to...and you watch all the seasons of all your favourite shows.. and then..what? You laze around.. and then.. eat.. and the usual.
Right now, I need something to keep me occupied. And I hate writing journals. So I figured, I would take these really nice writing challenges (they claim that they can make me a more versatile writer..)
I'm taking up two of them. (Yes, I am that jobless.)

1. The 30-Day Writing Challenge

2. The 30-Day About Me Challenge

I think I'll take my time doing this..

(:

And, Love.

So, one day, i was having this conversation with someone.. and the topic (God knows how) got diverted to love. That's what I said.. That's what I think..

"And, love. I don't believe in it much, myself.. but one can never be sure. I think its all about trust. Belief - the very basic form of it. Its like, giving the person or thing all the power to destroy everything that's dear to you, but believing strongly that they wont.. and then, again, it doesn't exist, because, you see.. trust is...immaterial. It isn't a foundation. It's more like the icing on a cake, whose foundation would be your will. Your will to take responsibility of that particular person or thing.. "

(:

Update: There's kind of a follow up post to this. Check it out, if you'd like!
And, Love. (Not a reprise)